I sat here confused feelings of resentment,revenge,lust,betrayal,intimacy,jealousy had risen inside me seeing how my career wasn't being acknowledged by my peers. I had people around me that wanted what I had wanted my position. Had lied to me just by them being in my presence. Especially finding out the people I considered my close family were stabbing me in back more then the system or my enemy's. I didnt care to be star at that point. I had enough of games. I was frustrated with constant cycle of test giving to me by people that assumed I was fed up with them. But how could they of let my talent linger on for so long without noticing me. I was into so many professions I had no idea they weren't taken me serious. I though the missed calls, missed text messages, cancelled meetings because every time I try get myself back in shape and back work something's happen put me right back in position I was dreading. I was having conversations and meeting after meeting which wasn't getting me anywhere. Being pushed to my limits into positions I couldn't work. I was lost in all material things I had attained. I was seeking acceptance from those who had not even accepted themselves. I was hurt I was down I was distracted because I couldnt have my way with my career or personal life. I needed a change a transformation but their was no help. Here I was again lost in shuffle trying find solutions to answers I needed as to why people had played me fool for so long. They couldn't walk in my shoes. Those who knew situation were embarrassing me. Those found out well let's just say I was in tears to. I wasn't shocked I mean alot good and bad happened at same time. I lost so much family,friends,deals before I could even find myself. Or find a love interest. I was thinking to myself where did I go wrong. When actually I was right. I made mistakes I'm not perfect but I never meant ruin lives of people I looked up to plus. I didn't want reveal how I really felt. People revealed a side themselves they didn't have to. I accepted the hate, the racism, the lost deals, the bad deals, the set ups, the failures, I accepted defeat but it made me man I am. I didn't settle I sat back and analyzed. I didn't have answer to the lingering issue effecting many us. The money couldn't ease the hurt but it sure made pain easier live with. I laughed for years through it all because deep inside something was not right. I couldn't live with them anymore I accepted their flaws but they were doing things to people I loved and then portraying to me be same way or else. Outnumbered and feeling out powered I surrendered. Then once I gave up the blame got placed on me. How could such hate bestow itself upon me when I had given up. I apologized from deepest emotions in my heart. I loved those who hated me deeply. I cared for wrong people at wrong times. Missed out on right people with right experiences. I was defeated I had risen to success only be ridiculed and made fool of by the lies I would soon discover would ruin me. I had admirers and haters. I had people close to me trying dictate my career and finances. My love life and personal life. I accepted their views but I can't live by their hate only cater to their needs as man I needed breathing room. I needed start a family of my own again. After seven divorces before 25 and I'm still 25 young and lived so fast I can't believe they lead me on for their benefit and couldn't even fathom being friends with me and they were family. It hurted see how they did me like that and they knew whole time and didn't care one bit. Ive given up at this point but deep down inside I still got love for them even though they wished for my death so they can go on vacation and smoke weed. That shit was crazy I'm like here I am running multi million dollar business lost it all then I'm bad person for trying bring good my community. After the embarrassing personal situation they kept secret all those years I'm hurt baby I cant deal I'm weak this shit all got me weak. Sent from my @PHATBEATZENT Join the convo let's network song writing,public festivals, party hosting, Webinars, revenue retrieval accounting services. @PHATBEATZENT has many services to supplement your Artistry, Record label, Corporation, Small Business, Sole Propeitorship.Tweet me at Twitter.com/PHATBEATZENT.